The Heartache That Comes With Being A Mother.

This week had been an emotional week, and I wasn't really sure how to, or if I even wanted to write about it. However, it's taken up so much of my thoughts this week, I really don't have anything else to write about. On Monday I took the kids to see an eye Dr. because over the last few weeks we noticed Audrey was occasionally crossing both of her eyes when she was trying to focus on something, not both at the same time usually one or the other. The eye Dr., who also happens to be a friends of Aaron suggested that as long as we where bringing Audrey in why not take a look at John as well. I went in on Monday morning prepared to hear, or at least i thought i was prepared to hear that Audrey was going to need to wear glasses or even a patch. I never expected to leave with information that not only did John also need glasses, but that Audrey's eye sight is much worse than I ever imagined. It was a shock, and at first I was handling the information well I put on a big show for the kids when they tried on their frames, because I want them to feel like rock stars in their new glasses. However, on the 3 hour drive home my true emotions started to hit me. My babies, my beautiful blue eyed babies need glasses! I didn't want them to look different than other children, I didn't want glasses to be part of their identity. I know how pitifully shallow it is, but I cried, then and a few more times through out the week. I can't explain why I felt this way because I have always thought that other children in glasses look adorable, and for Pete's sake my husband wears glasses and I still think he's a stud :) I also felt guilty, like I should have been able to do something to prevent this.
I'm happy to say that I have been able to move past these initial feelings, but not without a slap to the face. Doing some research over the past few days, I ran across a web site that allows you to choose farsightedness, or nearsightedness and then enter the prescription number and it shows you how the individual is seeing. When I saw what poor Audrey sees, i cried (again) but for different reasons this time. All I could think is my poor girl. Her vision is so bad she has no idea what the world really looks like everything is just a deep fog with a few shapes and dull colors. It definitely gave me a much needed attitude adjustment. And we are now anxiously awaiting the arrival of her glasses, and can't wait for her to see the beauty that surrounds her for the first time. John is also looking forward to sporting his new glasses, "so he can be a big guy, just like daddy." I'm still a little nerves about the weeks ahead. I wondering if once the glasses get here they'll still be as excited about wearing them, and my mind is continually running through all the challenges they may have to face in the years to come. But for now we'll just take it one day at a time, and of course will keep you updated through out the transition.